God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
