Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
