VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
