Plan B is the new Plan A
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize