dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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