Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was confusing and full of hummus
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize