I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
