ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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