): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
