this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
