i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize