There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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