What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
