Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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