dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
