Having a random hookup so left but love u
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
