I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
