the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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