I want to stick my p in your. b.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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