Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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