Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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