Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Come see our sink grown plant.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
