i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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