i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
