um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
