I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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