glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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