problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
