just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
