just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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