The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
