I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
