You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
