why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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