I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
