I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
