Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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