I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize