I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
