I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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