On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
