all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
