I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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