I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
did you just send me my own nude
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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