i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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