Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
