I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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