Is it normal to miss your booty call?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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