I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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