just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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