So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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