lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
