singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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