Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no, he came in my armpit
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
