based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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