dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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