she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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