i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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