Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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