Even the bartender felt bad for me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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