I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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