I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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