My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
