I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
