so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
