Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
