if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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