that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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