her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
